we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
