I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
