well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
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i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
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I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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