a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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