shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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