I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
