i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
