There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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