Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
