Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
