Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
