he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
