Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
