Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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