Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
