If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
