please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
