I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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