I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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