At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
