omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
