I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I AM VODKA MAN
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
