He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
