nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
