I will die if light touches me.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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