I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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