Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
