He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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