Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
two words: eviction party
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
