So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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