Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
