oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
