After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
