And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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