Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
