she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
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i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
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I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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