Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
