i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
