Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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