the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize
