she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
