whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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