How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
