all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
