apparently the secret to your success is patron
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
