so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
