Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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