Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
