well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize