yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
