I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
two words...techno handjob
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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