so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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