Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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