if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
vagina is talking i cant
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
