apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
