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Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
