I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
